Worst Opening Move Ever

 “Anything to make you smile. You are the ever living ghost of what once was.”

From the song No One’s Gonna Love You by Band of Horses. 

The postmark says February 16th.

The return address is stamped on the upper left hand corner of the envelope, with the name and booking number filled in with a pencil, and it reads;

Name  Frank Kent – AKA Felix

Bkg. # 207002656 

King County Correctional Facility

500 Fifth Ave.

Seattle, WA 98104- 2332

And it is also addressed in pencil;

To The Gurl With Black Hair & 1 Blond StreekWho Works At:

City Market 1722 Bellevue

Seattle, WA 98122

Underneath the return address, also written in pencil, is a message for the mail carrier;

Dear, Mister Postman if This letter Gets lost Please Send it 2 Heaven Because it Belongs To A Angel

Inside are two notes written with red ink on wide rule notebook paper. 

This is what the first note says;

“Happy Valentine’s Beautiful”

To: The Very Pretty Gurl Who Works (Most Of The Time) The Cash Register Closest To The Candy Bars and lighter pully Things. you Have Black Beautiful Hair with 1 Blond Streek and A smile so sexy I Could Not Bring Myself To Speek To you. So Now all I Do is Dream and Think about you and Ask myself Why DiDNT I speak To her MABey i WOULDN’T BE WHEARE im AT NOW!

From: im Bout 6 Feet light Brown skin! Dreadlocks To About my MiD-Back I always came To you with A Big smile and you may Remember me by 1 or Two of These Incidents (1) I ASKED you for HOT Apple CIDeR mix anD you TOOK me to the Apple Juice lane & I SaiD Not This STUFF!  “THE only wAy I can GeT This HOT is The microwave AT your HOUSE”. I Belive you SAID IN RETUrN “U Can COME TO MY HOUSE BUT I may have been Dreaming AGAiN” If you DON’T  remember  me by that you sHould Remember me By (2) one Time I came IN with Apple CiDer “HOT” anD I HAD 2 lil NUGS on my cup and you came and smelled ‘em THAT was SO SUPER HOT! So yea all of THiS SHOULD RiNG A Bell if NOT YOU NOT THE GURL iN Witch I seek. i mean No DiS-RESPECT only Respect BUT My Heart is Broken Untill I FiND This BeAUTiFuL Gurl!!!!!!!

And this is what the second note says;

HELLO,

Im Going To KEEp THiS SHorT and Sweet To let you know I felt you every TiMe you looked aT me. If you Recive This PlEASE Take a Step To FUTHER THiS By WRiTiNG me I Go By Felix BuT My ReaL Name IS BELOW “0” By THE way im in JaIL FoR oNly Having A STolen cAR I STOLE a CAR BUT Please DON’T let THaT come BEETWEEN a possiABle FReiND SHIP. THeiRS so MUCH I Want To Tell you and let you know please contact me!

Frank Kent #207002656

500 5th Ave.

SeaTTle, WA 98104

WRitE me TODAY. i could NOT allow a woman oF your GRACE & BeAUTy Slip my GRIPS. So I TOOK a SHOT IN The Dark . A Hell of a SHOT . pleaseWRITE me I Have poems and all kind of stuff I Drew and wrote aBouT you. p/s im No WeirDO JUST a lil BiT IN love with BeAuty & Style

Really, we are all just little bit in love with beauty and style. Thanks Felix.  

Advertisements

One response to “Worst Opening Move Ever

  1. Is this the same dude who wanted to put our friend in a bathtub full of ice? Letters like this make me miss that shitty job.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s